The Next Jesus Of America's Official Platform:

01:  A tendency to fall asleep at critical moments.
02:  CEOs installed in far-flung brothels, as caryatids and spittoons.
03:  Daily televised beratings of randomly-selected "celebrities". 
04:  Poppies in place of fish heads.
05:  Three new Days Of Unbridled Ardor.
06:  Love the Sin but not the Sinner.
07:  Unannounced firebombings of gated communities.
08:  Replace "In God We Trust" with "Like Hell We Trust!"
09:  Make streets safe to sleep in.
10:  Henry Kissinger's head on a paper plate, with choice of vegetable.
11:  Military Banned.
12:  Electricity generated by flooding and damming Bel Air.
13:  Buster Keaton Department of Hysteric Depressives.
14:  Priests serving hot dogs in paper miters.
15:  Establishment of Lautrémont Free Form Kindergartens.
16:  The FBI mobilized to build playgrounds and inner-city gardens.
17:  No decisions on an empty stomach. No decisions on a full stomach.
18:  Reduce CIA budget to $1 a year and expect "value for money paid."
19:  The International SUV Landfill in Langley Virginia.
20:  Declare all music corporations to be open sources.
21:  First lady hot and lazy.
22:  Long, drunken weekends with friendly, loose strangers.
23:  Weekly radio readings of Doestoevsky and Kafka.
24:  The Benjamin Peret Library of Perverse Congress.
25:  Keep your hands off my bottle!
26:  The NEA budget seized and thrown out of airplanes over graveyards.
27:  Where did the Vice-President leave my pants?
28:  Make New York a "fly over" city.
29:  Move the nation's capital to Barnum, Wisconsin.
30:  A cheap chicken in every suit.
31:  A Priest in every boy.